Marriage Tips: Intimacy~

Don’t believe the jokes you’ve heard about passionate marriage: "I never knew what real happiness was until I got married, and by then it was too late." Or “The longest sentence you can form with two words: ‘I do.’" Many professional studies in my opinion have missed the mark on marriage -- at least as far as sex and intimacy are concerned.

Sex researchers have found that passionate marriage is alive and well; in fact, marriage is where the best and most satisfying sex is happening in America. Married couples have more sex, more varied sex (including oral sex) -- and more emotionally and physically satisfying sex -- than singles. When sex works well, it can add a great deal to how happy couples feel about their lives -- as much as a 15% to 20% increase in satisfaction.

When passionate marriage works well, it works very, very well. However, when it doesn’t work well, it’s awful. When sex works badly, it can take away 50% to 70% of marital satisfaction.

Don’t Settle for Less Than a Passionate Marriage

Yes, there is work in trying to create or sustain a passionate marriage. But it doesn’t mean your marriage is in trouble if you are feeling less passionate or if sex is less exciting than when you first met each other. That is inevitable -- infatuation fades and sexual boredom is a given in marriage.

But you don’t have to settle for less than a passionate marriage. With careful attention and a little creativity, you can keep the home fires burning.

How to Reconcile Sex and Passion With Domesticity

It is the dilemma of modern relationships: reconciling security and adventure -- eroticism and domesticity -- in the same place. We live decades longer than we did a century ago, and we expect to have sex and passion, both for pleasure and connection -- not just reproduction -- for the rest of our lives, too.

“Expectations are over the top. We want security and financial support, and the best friend and trusted confidant -- and a passionate lover -- all in one.” So is passionate marriage impossible? “Yes, as a sustained thing. Passion comes and goes with many changes.”

People have the mistaken idea that if there is “sexual chemistry” then good sex doesn’t take work. That’s simply wrong. The chemicals don’t make for good sex -- nor do they get “used up.” To keep passion flowing rather than fading away in a relationship takes work -- on yourself as an individual and work together as a couple. And the best time to start is before the flames are out.